Jesus Refuses None

 

Jesus Refuses None

     Jesus refuses none. Jesus said at John 6:37 All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out. In other words Jesus promised that he would not cast out murderers, liars, thieves, prostitutes, drug addicts, alcoholics, and criminals that repent and come to Him. To anyone reading this remember that you are not too evil to come to Jesus today and get saved. The meanest criminal that murdered, robbed banks, raped, and lied can come to Jesus and get saved. Jesus did not exclude anyone from salvation. Jesus promised Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out. Get saved and come to Jesus today and let the blood of Jesus wash away your past sins and make you white as pure snow. Get saved, repent, decide to stop sinning, confess that Jesus is God, and believe the gospel that Jesus died on the cross for you, was buried, and rose again.

     John said at Revelation 22:17 And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely. Jesus is not like organizations or clubs that reject people who don't have enough money or belong to a wrong social standing. If you come to Jesus, He will accept you and won't refuse you. Jesus won't say I'm too busy, I'm out to lunch, I don't have time for you, or come back later while I place your call on hold. Jesus is on the mainline tell him what you want. The Jesus line is never busy. Call Him up and tell Him what you want. Jesus will always answer your call and refuse no one. Jesus promised us at Jeremiah 33:3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

     Someone might say "How can I know that it's true that Jesus refuses none and won't remember my sins?" The Lord Jesus can not lie and will not cast out anyone that comes to Him by faith. Romans 3:4 says Let God be true, but every man a liar. Titus 1:2 says In hope of eternal life, which God that cannot lie, promised before the world began. Remember whatever Jesus says is true today because Hebrews 13:8 says Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever. 

     Jesus refuses none and will in no wise (meaning under any circumstances) cast anyone out. Jesus is waiting in heaven (always awake and never sleeping) hoping people come to Him for peace and salvation. Psalm 121:4 says Behold, He (Jesus) that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. Jesus charges no fees and heals everyone that comes to Him by faith. After anyone comes to Jesus, Jesus will constantly pray for that person to overcome this evil world. Jesus' prayer for believers is listed at John 17:15 that says I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. 

     How comforting to realize that Jesus receives and can save thieves, criminals, liars, prostitutes, and murderers. But after salvation through grace by faith in Jesus that can not be lost, Jesus wants people to stop sinning. Paul said at Romans 6:1 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? Stop sinning after salvation or else God will chastise you and give you a whooping. And if christians keep sinning, they can die before their time. Romans 6:23 that applies to all people including christians says For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Jesus Refuses None

1) If You Were A Thief, Jesus Will Receive You

     If you were a thief that robbed, stole cars, embezzeled money, or lied on your taxes, Jesus will receive you if you come to Him. Jesus received and saved a thief by Him on the cross. Luke 23:42 says And he (the thief) said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise. Jesus accepted the thief with no other conditions and saved him. 

     Revelation 1:5 says And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto Him (Jesus) that loved us, and washed us from our sins in His own blood. Revelation 1:5 did not say Unto Him (Jesus) that washed us from our sins and then loved us. Jesus loves you as you are and then washes away your sins in His own blood. Come to Jesus as you are because Jesus receives all sinners (even the worst of sinners) and will wash them white as snow by His precious blood. Jesus promised at Hebrews 10:17 And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.

     The ground is level at the foot of the cross. We all are sinners needing to be saved by Jesus to avoid hell. Romans 3:23 says For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. There are no big I's and little you's with Jesus. Everyone needs to repent of their sins and accept Jesus to be free from the sorrow of this world. Jesus doesn't want anyone to perish in their sins and wants all to come to repentance with salvation. 2 Peter 3:9 says The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to usward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

Jesus Refuses None

2) If You Were A Liar, Jesus Will Receive You

     If you were a liar, Jesus will receive you. Jesus received Peter after Peter lied and said he didn't know Jesus. Luke 22:55 says And when they had kindled a fire in the midst of the hall, and were set down together, Peter sat down among them. But a certain maid beheld him as he sat by the fire, and earnestly looked upon him, and said, This man was also with Him (Jesus). And he denied Him, saying, Woman, I know Him not. Peter cussed like a sailor and denied that he knew Jesus to a maid on the porch, a damsel in the palace, and to Malchus (the man that had his ear injured by Peter that Jesus healed). After Peter's third denial, the cock crew twice, and you had a preachin' chicken and a chicken preacher face to face. 

     Peter lied and denied that he knew Jesus three times. But when Jesus met Peter after the resurrection, Jesus forgave Peter three times and told Peter to feed my sheep (John 21:16). Even though Peter was a liar, Jesus forgave and blessed Peter to preach during Pentecost and save three thousand lost sinners. Jesus blessed Peter with a great anointing where Peter's shadow healed multitudes of people from diseases. Like Peter, if you used to be a liar and cheater, Jesus can save, forgive, and use you to be a great servant of God.

Jesus Refuses None

3) If Your Past Sins Have Made You Helpless, Jesus Will Receive You

     If your past sins have made you helpless, Jesus will receive you. If your past sins of taking drugs, drinking alcohol, and whoremongering have made you helpless with sickness, Jesus will receive you, heal you, and use you for His glory. Jesus received and healed a helpless lame man by the pool of Bethesda who had been sick for 38 years in one second. Jesus did what the lame man could not do in an instant. When man says it is impossible, Jesus says all things are possible with God. Jesus said at Mark 9:23 If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

     John 5:5 says And a certain man was there (by the pool of Bethesda), which had an infirmity thirty eight years. When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, He saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole? The impotent man answered Him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me. Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk. And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the sabbath. Like this man by the pool of Bethesda, come to Jesus now and Jesus will receive and heal you while you become a blessed servant for Jesus. 

Click this youtube link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwP2eHq5ibk

And Sing The Words Below For Christ Receiveth Sinful Men

Written By Erdmann Neumeister 1718

Jesus Refuses None

Sinners Jesus will receive; Sound this Word of Grace to all

Who the heavenly pathway leave; All who linger; All who fall

Sing it o'er and o'er again; Christ receiveth sinful men

Make the message clear and plain; Christ receiveth sinful men

Come and He will give your rest; Trust Him for His Word is plain

He will take the sinfulest; Christ receiveth sinful men

Now my heart condemns me not; Pure before the law I stand

He who cleansed me from all spot; satisfied its last demand

Christ receiveth sinful men; Even me with all my sin

Purged from every spot and stain; Heaven with Him I enter in

Jesus Refuses None

4) If You Were A Murderer, Jesus Will Receive You

     If you were a murderer, Jesus will receive you. Jesus received and saved Saul (Paul) who was a murderer that killed christians. Even though Saul who later became Paul consented as a murderer to Stephen's death, Jesus forgave Saul for murder and blessed Paul to become a great preacher for God. After salvation Paul proclaimed at 1 Timothy 1:15 This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief. If Jesus can forgive Paul for murder, Jesus can forgive any past murderer or any sinner that reads this bible study.

     Jesus also forgave King David for murdering Uriah the Hittite to cover up his sin of adultery with Bathsheba (Uriah's wife). After David repented, Jesus blessed David to have a son named Solomon who became the wisest man to live beside Jesus. Abraham was wise too because he knew a Lot. Jesus forgave Moses for murdering an Egyptian and blessed Moses to lead the people of Israel out of bondage in Egypt. If Jesus can forgive David and Moses for murder, Jesus can forgive anyone reading this for their past sins and bless them greatly. Come to Jesus today and receive peace and don't allow your past sins to allow guilt to keep you from Jesus. Jesus refuses none.

Jesus Refuses None

5) If You Were A Prostitute or Adulterer, Jesus Will Receive You

     If you were a prostitute or adulterer, Jesus will receive you. Jesus received the woman at the well who was married five times and the sixth man she was with was not her husband. Jesus told the woman at the well at John 4:18 For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly. Even though this woman at the well had great sin, Jesus blessed her with salvation and joy. John 4:28 says The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men, Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ? Wow this woman at the well brought the men that she slept with as a harlot to Jesus and led these men to Jesus and salvation. 

     Now if Jesus can receive, forgive, and bless this prostitute woman at the well who was with six men and probably hundreds of men, Jesus can receive, forgive, and bless any prostitute or adulterer that is reading this bible study. Jesus also blessed a prostitute harlot named Rahab who repented and feared God while she blessed the spies from Israel. Rahab (a former prostitute) was blessed by Jesus to survive in Jericho and become the great grandparent to Jesus listed in Jesus' genealogy in Matthew 1. Usually when you see the name Rahab in the bible it says Rahab the harlot. But when Rahab is connected to Jesus at Matthew 1:5, Jesus removes sin and Rahab is no longer called a harlot (just Rachab or Rahab). 

     Like Rahab, when anyone comes to Jesus, Jesus will remember your sin no more. Jeremiah 31:34 says And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the Lord: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.

Jesus Refuses None

6) Even Good Religious People Who Try Not To Sin Need To Receive Jesus

     Even good religious people who try not to sin need to receive Jesus. Nicodemus was a good religious person who did not lie, steal, drink, or cheat. But Nicodemus needed to accept the Lord Jesus to get saved. Good works could not save Nicodemus. Jesus did not refuse Nicodemus, but offered him salvation saying at John 3:7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again. Like Nicodemus, Jesus tells all good religious people, Ye must be born again and won't refuse to offer them salvation if they repent, confess that Jesus is God, and believe the gospel that Jesus died on the cross for them, was buried, and rose again. 

     Man's good works can not save him. Isaiah 64:6 says But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. Psalm 39:5 says Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity. Selah. Even the best of men on this earth sin and need to accept Jesus for salvation. Ephesians 2:8 says For by grace are ye saved through faith (in Jesus alone); and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. 

Jesus Refuses None

Don't Allow Guilt About Past Sins Stop You From Receiving Jesus

     Don't allow guilt about past sins stop you from receiving Jesus. Jesus refuses none. Psalm 51:17 says The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. In other words Jesus will not refuse or reject anyone who is contrite and repents. Come to Jesus right now and Jesus will receive you, remove your guilt, and forgive you. Jesus said at Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 

     1 John 1:9 says If we confess our sins, He (Jesus) is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  Remember the blessed quote from Corrie Ten Boom above that says God buries our sins in the depths of the sea and then puts up a sign that reads, "No fishing." Micah 7:18 says Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He retaineth not his anger for ever, because He delighteth in mercy. He will turn again, He will have compassion upon us; He will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea. 

     I pray in Jesus name that this bible study blesses multitudes everywhere with great joy, peace, and strength. Feel free to email Brother Bob anytime at rz9tlm@gmail.com or write to Brother Bob Malkin, 2233 Pinetree Lane, Apt. N., Reynoldsburg, Ohio 43068. (614) 746-7071. Till we all meet again soon to lift up our Lord Jesus, everyone have a blessed day in Jesus name.

Blessed Jokes And Riddles To Make You Smile And Praise Jesus

 

Choose To Rejoice And Praise Jesus

Rejoicing And Praising Jesus Creates The Peaceful Presence Of Jesus

     Choose to rejoice and praise Jesus. To receive Jesus' peaceful presence, daily thank Jesus for dying on the cross for you and giving you a place to remove your problems. 1 Peter 5:7 says Casting all your care upon Him (Jesus); for He careth for you. Remember the cross with Jesus that destroys all our problems daily (Hebrews 2:14), and the blood of Jesus that defeats the devil (Revelation 12:11) is the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever (Hebrews 13:8). 

     Daily say Galatians 2:20 I am crucified with Jesus Christ and say Isaiah 53:5 with Jesus' stripes I am healed. Whatever you need ask in the name of Jesus believing and you will receive your request (John 14:13). Psalm 100:4 says Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His name. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 says to Rejoice evermore because Nehemiah 8:10 says the joy of the Lord is your strength. 

     1 Thessalonians 5:18 says In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. According to Psalm 22:3 God inhabitest the praises of Israel. And when you praise Jesus for dying on the cross for you and removing your sins, you will receive Jesus and His peace that passeth all understanding. Jesus told us at John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. 

     Choose to rejoice and praise Jesus like Paul and Silas to overcome this troubled world. Don't endure serving Jesus as an obligation but enjoy serving Jesus as a privilege. Paul and Silas chose to rejoice and praise Jesus in a jail cell at midnight. Acts 16:25 says And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them. And suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken: and immediately all the doors were opened, and every one's bands were loosed.  

     Paul and Silas' rejoicing with praise while suffering at midnight created an earthquake that opened the prison doors and set the prisoners free. In other words (rejoicing, releasing, restraining, and regeneration occurred because of praise); 1) Paul and Silas were rejoicing at midnight 2) Creating an earthquake that released the prisoners 3) Who were restrained by the power of the Holy Ghost 4) That led to the glorious regeneration and salvation of the jailer.  

Choose To Rejoice And Praise Jesus

Click this youtube link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-x51zXGQAI 

And sing the words below for Thank You Lord For Saving My Soul

 Written By Seth and Bessie Sykes 1940

Some thank the Lord for friends and home; For mercies sure and sweet

But I would praise Him for His grace; In prayer I would repeat

Thank you Lord for saving my soul; Thank you Lord for making me whole

Thank you Lord for giving to me; Thy great salvation so rich and free

Some thank Him for the flowers that grow; Some for the stars that shine

My heart is filled with joy and praise; Because I know He's mine

I trust in Him from day to day; I prove His saving grace

I'll sing this song of praise to Him; Until I see His face

Choose To Rejoice And Praise Jesus

Rejoicing  And Praising Jesus Gives You Daily Benefits

     Rejoicing and praising Jesus gives you daily benefits. Psalm 68:19 says Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah. Don't forget the daily benefits you receive while you praise the Lord Jesus listed in Psalm 103. Don't be like the absent minded professor who was forgetful. He would wind up the cat and put out the clock. Unfortunately most people remember what they ought to forget and forget what they ought to remember. Most people read 3 bible verses and forget them after 3 minutes. But most people will remember a preacher's one small sin for 50 years. 

     Instead remember and say the blessed daily benefits received from Psalm 103 while you praise Jesus. Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits (Note these next 6 daily benefits that you should say daily): Who forgiveth all thine iniquities, who healeth all thy diseases; who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth (surrounds) thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagles. The Lord executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.

     Have an attitude of gratitude. Resist the devil daily, but rejoice because your names are written in heaven. Don't ignore the devil. Resist the devil daily. James 4:7 says Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Notice that you must first submit yourself to the Lord Jesus before you can resist the devil. 

     Now after you resist the devil in the name of Jesus and the devil flees from you, don't keep thinking about the devil. Don't keep speaking to and naming the devils for hours saying come out Jimmy, Harold, and Melvin. Just cast out devils in the name of Jesus and send them to the pit of hell where they rise not up again (Psalm 140:9-10)  Jesus just had the legion devil say his name once quickly and then told him to Go into the swine. Don't ignore the devil but remember to think about God's Word and Jesus instead of worrying about the devil. 

     Philippians 4:8 says Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. In other words think about Jesus. 

     Instead of worrying about the devil, rejoice because your names are written in heaven after salvation. Luke 10:20 says Notwithstanding in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven. Right now get saved and receive strength and the joy of salvation. Get saved, repent, decide to stop sinning, confess that Jesus is God, and believe the gospel that Jesus died on the cross for you, was buried, and rose again.

Choose To Rejoice And Praise Jesus

Rejoicing With A Merry Heart Doeth Good Like A Medicine

     It's good to rejoice and laugh with a merry heart that doeth good like a medicine. Proverbs 17:22 says A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 15:13 says A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. 

     Here's some classic stories and one liners that I pray in Jesus name make you smile and laugh while they heal you like a medicine. The Lone Ranger told Tonto, Hey Tonto, look we're surrounded by Indians. Tonto replied What you mean we white man. Why did the scientist put a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the Nobel prize. 

     A duck went into Walmart to buy chapstick. The cashier told the duck "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck replied "Put it on my bill." Why don't they send ducks to space? The bills too high. What do you get when you cross a German Shepherd with a Giraffe? A watchdog for the 8th Floor. Why did Einstein throw his brother's clock out the window? He wanted to see relative time. 

     What did Adam say to Eve the day before Christmas? It's Christmas Eve. What did the football coach say to the vending machine? Give me my quarterback. A man was carrying two watermelons and someone asked him What time is it? The man gently put down the first watermelon and then with both hands put down the other watermelon and raised both his hands while he said I don't know?

     How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left him at school? Bye son (Bison). Why did the snail paint an S on his race car (racecar is spelled the same forward and backward)? So when he drove by anyone, they could say Hey look at the S car go (escargot). 

     What do you call a sleepwalking nun? She's a Roamin' Catholic. Why did the chicken only go halfway across the road? She wanted to lay it on the line. Don't open any emails from the Hormel Company. They might be spam. Two blondes were sitting on a bench. One blonde said What's farther away? Florida or the moon? The other blonde replied Florida. You can see the moon stupid. 

A wife asked her husband Why do we say Amen and not Awomen

The husband replied It's because we sing hymns and not hers

     There were two lines in heaven for the macho men and the wimpy men. All the macho men were in the wimpy man line and one little scrawny man was in the macho man line. All the macho men asked the little scrawny man, How did you get into the macho man line? The little scrawny man said My wife told me to get into this line.

      One day in the garden of Eden Adam told God, "I'm lonely and want some company." God replied, "Alright Adam I'll give you a woman." Adam replied, "What's a woman?" God said, "She'll cook for you, she'll clean for you, have your babies, make you happy, and keep you company." Then Adam asked God, "How much is this woman going to cost?" God said, "Adam she'll cost you an arm and a leg." Adam replied, "Well, what'll you give me for a rib?" And the rest is history.

     Where is a baseball game mentioned in the bible? In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second, Cain struck out Abel, Noah was on deck, Rebekah went to the well with the pitcher, Abraham tried to make a sacrifice, and the prodigal son made a home run. The Giants and The Angels were rained out. 

     A country preacher sent his kid to college hoping he would become smart. One night when they were all eating dinner, the country preacher asked his kid, What have you learned? The kid said pi r squared. The country preacher said you haven't learned a thing. Pie are round, cornbread is squared.

     A preacher was eating dinner with a grandmother and her four year old little boy. When the preacher started picking at his food, the little boy said, "Preacher why won't you eat your food?" The preacher replied, "Son I have to preach tonight and I preach better when I don't eat." When the grandmother and the little boy went to hear the preacher, the preaching was boring and lousy. The little boy said to his grandmother, "He might as well went on and ate anyway."

Learn A Lesson To Avoid Pride From An Ant And An Elephant

After an ant and an elephant crossed a bridge

The ant told the elephant boy we really shook that bridge

Saved saints are the ants and Jesus is the elephant

Saved saints are the branches and Jesus is the vine

Remember without Jesus saved saints can do nothing John 15:5

Learn A Lesson To Avoid Pride From A Woodpecker, Tree, and Lightning

     The parable of the woodpecker, the tree, and the lightning is a famous Christian sermon illustration popularized by Holocaust survivor and author Corrie ten Boom. It is used as a humorous allegory to expose human pride and the tendency to take credit for God's power. A proud little woodpecker is tapping away at the trunk of a large tree. Right when the woodpecker delivers a routine peck, a huge bolt of lightning strikes the tree, splitting it right down the middle, and shattering it into splinters. The woodpecker flies away startled but unhurt. Looking back at the fallen giant, the woodpecker is filled with awe at its own apparent strength. The woodpecker flies off to find it's friends, points proudly to the ruined tree, and exclaims, Look what I did. I didn't know that my beak was that powerful. God and not the woodpecker split and shattered the tree.

     Like the woodpecker, people frequently mistake a blessed display of divine intervention for their own skill and effort. When people achieve success, buy a house, or excel in a career, they often boast about their own wisdom and strength while ignoring the fact that God provided the underlying ability and opportunity. The lightning represents God's divine power by the Holy Spirit. While christians are called to work diligently (like the woodpecker tapping the tree), any true, transformative, supernatural impact is entirely the work of God. The story about the woodpecker, tree, and lightning warns against becoming a spiritual woodpecker who robs God of his glory by claiming credit for victories that only the Lord Jesus could achieve. 1 Corinthians 1:31 says That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

Live For The Lord Jesus Instead Of For Yourself

Don't Be Proud And Live A Life Where You

Get All You Can

Can All You Get

And Sit On The Can 

The Mexican Weather Forecast

Chile Today Hot Tamale

     The Mexican man pictured above was trying to get a job in America. The employer told him I'll give you the job if you can say a sentence with three colors (green, pink, and yellow). The Mexican man replied Si I can tell you a sentence with green, pink, and yellow. The phone go green, green, green. I pink it up and say yellow.

     An American and his Mexican friend went to Mexico to preach about Jesus. The Mexican friend told the American we say Hejus instead of Jesus in Mexico. The American said let's eat at Josies. The Mexican said it's not Josies, it's Hosies. Then the Mexican asked the American, When do you want to return to America? The American said Hune or Huly or maybe Hanuary.

A Shaving Grace Barbershop

     One day a man met a lady at the barbershop. The lady said would you mind if a woman gave you a shave. The man let the woman shave him. The woman told the man that her name was Grace. After one week the man did not have to shave. After one month the man did not have to shave. This man said "I'll have to thank Grace for the blessed shave and tell her I didn't have to shave for a month." When Grace heard about this blessing, Grace rejoiced and told the man, "This happened because when you're shaved (saved) by Grace; Once shaved always shaved." 

     A man in a church made a vow that he would not get angry. After the church service the man was in his car at a red light. A car behind him kept honking his horn. The man said I'm not going to get angry. Then the car behind him starting honking louder and wouldn't stop. The man got out of his car and told the man in the car behind him You idiot Why are you honking your horn so much at me? The man in the car behind honking replied It's because your bumper sticker says Honk If You Love Jesus.

     Why did the Jews wander in the wilderness for 40 years? Somebody lost a quarter. Why do Jews have big noses? Air is free. What is a Jewish dilemma? It's a free ham sandwich. If you have two Jews you have three views. Why do Jews own the most jewelry stores? Because the first three letters of jewelry is Jew. A mayor told a Jew No Jews are allowed in our village. The Jew replied That's why it's still a village. What's the most common saying at a Jewish funeral? He should have kept his mouth shut. What's another name for I95 from New York City to Miami, Florida? The Jewish Passover. What is a Jew's favorite wine (whine)? Please take me to Miami. A Jewish son told his father Can you give me $50? The Jewish father said What did you say $40? How about $30? I've got $20. Here's $10. Give your brother $5.

     A teacher told her students "If anyone can tell me who the most important person was in the history of the world, I'll give them $5?" Little Johnny said George Washington. The teacher replied, he was a great man but he's not the most important person. Little Jimmy said Abraham Lincoln. The teacher replied, he also was a great man but he's not the most important person. Then the only Jewish kid in the school named Hyman said Jesus Christ of Nazareth. The teacher gave Hyman the $5 and said "Yes Jesus Christ of Nazareth is the most important person in the history of the world, but Hyman aren't you Jewish?" Hyman replied "Business is business."

Choose To Rejoice And Praise Jesus

Remember Laughter And Rejoicing Doeth Good Like A Medicine

     We all know that a country preacher's favorite food is chicken

A preacher's belt ain't nothing but a fence around a chicken's graveyard

Why do preachers like chicken?

They're trying to get rid of that crowing rooster.

     One time an elderly preacher lost his dentures (false teeth) down a well. He asked his preacher friends to figure out a way to get his teeth out of the well. One preacher decided to tie a chicken on a string and lower the chicken down into the well. It worked because the false teeth bit the chicken and the preachers pulled the teeth out of the well. The reason preachers rejoice and like chicken so much is because God gave us 8000 taste buds in our mouth so we could enjoy food. 

     Herman and Ethel were in the senior home. Herman told Ethel we've lived blessed lives and if I die before you die, Are you going to give your next husband my hiking boots? Ethel said Yes I'm not going to throw them away. Herman said if I die, Are you going to give him my fishing poles? Ethel said Yes what do you expect me to do with them. Herman said if I die, Are you going to give him my tools and equipment and my favorite chain saw? Ethel said Yes I will. Then Herman said Are you going to give him my golf clubs? Ethel said No he's lefthanded. 

     What should you do when everyone in the church is sleeping? Somebody ought to wake up the preacher. The preacher told a man sitting by his sleeping friend, Wake him up. The man yelled back at the preacher, You put him to sleep. You wake him up. They asked a kid Why should we be quiet in church? The kid replied Because people are sleeping and we don't want to wake them up. They asked a man Do you believe in flying saucers? The man replied I've been married 40 years. What do you think?

     A man that wanted to keep sleeping every Sunday and not listen to a boring preacher wrote the following note on his sleeve. Now I lay me down to sleep, the sermons long the subjects deep; If he gets through before I awake, please give me a little shake. Finally a preacher told little Johnny, I'll give you a dime every Sunday if you can keep grandpa awake during the sermon. Johnny did good for a month but then grandpa fell asleep again every Sunday. When the preacher asked Johnny Why is grandpa sleeping? Johnny replied, Grandpa gave me 15 cents, so I let him sleep.

     While a preacher was preaching a boring sermon, someone in the balcony yelled out Hey man speak up a tad so we can hear you. Then he said A little louder I need to hear you. Finally a man on the front row yelled to the man in the balcony, Hey man Thank God you can't hear him. Sit down and be quiet. Reverend Ike thought more about money than people's salvation. He said some people say that the love of money is the root of all evil. But I say that the lack of money is the root of all evil. Send it to me and I'll set you free.

     A policeman stopped a preacher who had a bottle of wine on the back seat of his car. The preacher told the cop, officer that's only water on the back seat. After the cop tasted the wine, the cop said Whew, preacher, that ain't water, that's wine. The preacher replied Praise the Lord He done did it again. God turned the water into wine.

When you call the atheist prayer line, no one answers

When a man saw an atheist in a coffin at the funeral home

He said "All dressed up and no place to go."

An atheist had a sign in his home that said God is nowhere

A little girl that saw this sign said Praise Jesus God is now here

     A preacher took an interpreter with him to China to hold revivals and save Chinese sinners. After preaching a boring sermon, thousands of Chinese sinners came to the altar and got saved. A bystander asked the interpreter, "How can so many people get saved when the preaching is so boring?" The interpreter replied, "Me not tell them what the preacher said; Me tell them about Jesus." Jesus works in China. Jesus works in Germany, Hong Kong, Singapore, and everywhere on this earth. Jesus is the door and the only way to heaven. 

     Two crazy men were in a mental health facility. The first man was shining a flashlight up to the ceiling. The second man said What are you doing with that flashlight? The first man replied You see that beam of light. I'll bet you $10 that you can't climb up that beam of light. The second man said I'm not crazy. No way. Before I get halfway up that beam of light, you'll turn the flashlight off. 

     Here's some blessed thoughts about Eutychus (his name means fortunate) who fell into a deep sleep in a window while Paul was preaching a four hour sermon until midnight and fell down from the third loft, and was taken up dead. Then Paul raised Eutychus from the dead (Acts 20:7-12). The reason Eutychus fell out of the window was because he was more out in the world than he was in the church. 

     We are all in a window sill spiritually. We're either tilted in more or tilted out more. If Eutychus was tilted in more, he would have only fallen 3 feet into the church and lived. But Eutychus was tilted out more and too far into the world and fell 3 floors down and died. There are two morals we learn from the story about Eutychus: First, if you fall into a deep sleep in the church, you'll be dead in no time. Second, the reason his name was Eutychus: You'd have cussed too if you had to listen to a 4 hour sermon.  

     Here's some classic church stories: While a preacher was holding a weekly revival by a brick factory, every day the preacher would yell Open them doors, open them wide, let the sinners come inside. A worker at the brick factory said if that preacher says that again, I'm going to toss a brick at the church. When the preacher again said Open them doors, open them wide, let the sinners come inside, the worker tossed a brick at the church and the preacher immediately yelled Close them doors, close them quick, some dumb sinner done tossed a brick. 

     When a man entered another church that was passing snakes around, the man asked the pastor Where's the back door? The pastor replied There ain't one. The man then said Well, Where do you want one? When another man entered the same church that was passing snakes around a circle, when it was his turn to hold the snake he said Shun didi de, Shun didi di, I don't know about you, pass that stupid thing on by. 

A preacher posted a sign for his revival

Attend this revival and I will tell you the date of the 

blessed hope called the rapture

When thousands of people attended the revival 

to learn the date of the blessed hope called the rapture

The preacher told everyone Jesus is coming at an hour when ye think not

Luke 12:40 says Be ye therefore ready also: for the Son of man cometh

at an hour when ye think not

A Humorous Story About A Man Who Married An Opera Singer

A man married a famous opera singer because he loved the way she sang

But the morning after the honeymoon when he saw the

false teeth, false eyelashes, and the wig, he told her

For goodness sake honey, sing something quick

MILLIONAIRE

MOVIE PRODUCER

PASTOR

FUNERAL DIRECTOR

Notice the four names above of the husbands once married to a woman. 

When someone asked the woman why she ended up with a funeral director.

The woman replied I wanted one for the money (the millionaire).

two for the show (the movie producer).

three to get ready (the pastor).

and four to go (the funeral director).

Try This Exercise With Your Right Foot And Praise Jesus 

     While sitting lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. Now while you are doing this draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction; And there's nothing you can do about it. Just smile and be happy. Your right foot is preprogrammed by your brain.

Tell These Happy Sayings To People To Make Them Laugh And Smile

1) Tell them to spell shop, stop, and slop. 

Then ask them "What do you do when you come to a green light?" Go

2) Tell them to spell silk, milk, and silk

Then ask them "What do cows drink?" Water

3) Tell them to spell toast, boast, and roast

Then ask them "What do you put in a toaster?" Bread

4) Tell them to make a circle using your right thumb and second finger

Then tell them to poke their head through the circle

Most people will say it can't be done pushing the circle against their head

It can be done using your left second finger to poke your head through the circle  

5) What do you call a seven foot man walking down the street blowing a flute?

He's highfalutin

     Here's some more classic sayings to make you smile and bless Jesus. We have to believe by faith that the Father, Son (Jesus), and the Holy Spirit are one. The bible says it's a mystery that can not be figured out with your mind. One must believe by faith with their heart like a little child that Jesus is God and one with the Holy Spirit to get saved. 1 Timothy 3:16 says And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness: God (Jesus) was manifest in the flesh, justified in the Spirit, seen of angels, preached unto the Gentiles, believed on in the world, received up into glory. 

     In other words it's a mystery that Jesus is God that must be accepted by faith that can not be understood by the mind. Hebrews 11:6 says But without faith it is impossible to please Him (Jesus): for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. 

     When people say I can't believe that a man Jesus is God because it doesn't make sense, give them the following examples. I can't understand how a black or brown cow can eat green grass and make white milk and yellow butter. But I'm going to put milk on my cereal and put butter on my toast for breakfast. I can't understand how electricity works, but I'm going to believe it by faith. I'm not going to sit in the dark and I'm not going to stick my finger in a light socket to see if it works. 

Choose To Rejoice And Praise Jesus

When You Feel Like Quitting, Keep Rejoicing And Praising Jesus Anyway

     Be like Jeremiah and when you feel like quitting, keep praising Jesus anyway. Jeremiah 20:9 says Then I (Jeremiah) said, I will not make mention of Him, nor speak any more in His name. But his Word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay. Like Jeremiah keep rejoicing while you preach Jesus everywhere counting it all joy when you are persecuted for serving Jesus. They're going to talk about you anyway. So give them something good to talk about and leap for joy at church or the nearest Walmart bathroom. Give the people a Forrest Gump and run for Jesus. 

Remember Quitters Never Win 

Winners Never Quit

When You Feel Like Quitting

Say Thomas Edison's Quotes Below

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize 

how close they were to success when they quit

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration

     Be like Bartimaeus and keep praising Jesus even when people around you tell you to stop praising Jesus. There are different forms of communication. We have telephone, teletype, and telecommunication. But the fastest method of communication is tell a christian. Don't worry about what people say when you praise Jesus. Keep your eyes on Jesus and off the people. If you keep your eyes on Jesus and off the people, Jesus will send people to bless you. Since Bartimaeus kept his eyes on Jesus and off the people, the people that told him to hold his peace began to praise Jesus after Bartimaeus got healed (Luke 18:35-43).

Choose To Rejoice And Praise Jesus

Rejoice About God's Grace And Mercy

Grace is when God gives us what we don't deserve

Mercy is when God doesn't give us what we do deserve

     Rejoice about God's grace and mercy. Rejoice about Psalm 103:8: The Lord is merciful and gracious; slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. Rejoice about Psalm 103:10: He (Jesus) hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. Rejoice about Hebrews 8:12: For I (Jesus) will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more. 

A man said, That preacher's sermon reminded me of peace and mercy

It was like peace and past understanding and it was like mercy

because I thought it was going to endure forever

Choose To Rejoice And Praise Jesus

Rejoice About How The Mercy Of God Is Measured

     Rejoice about how the mercy of God is measured. Psalm 103:11 says For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward them that fear Him. First let's look at the height of God's mercy to lost sinners. The hubble telescope has viewed billions of stars above us that are 200 million light years away (note that a light year is 5.9 trillion miles). It has also viewed galaxies 50 million light years away. But to find out the height of God's mercy to lost sinners, one must travel above the stars and galaxies to God's mercy seat in the third heaven's kingdom of God.

     Jesus showed us the height of God's mercy when He traveled from the throne room of the third heaven and came down past the stars and galaxies to this earth. Jesus became a man and died for our sins on the cross of Calvary. Then Jesus took His own blood that He shed at the cross all the way back to the third heaven past the stars and galaxies and put His own blood on God's mercy seat so every sinner could have mercy and get their sins removed forever. 1 John 1:7 says But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.

     Psalm 103:12 also measures the mercy of God. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He (Jesus) removed our transgressions from us. Notice that the bible does not say that God's mercy is measured from the north to the south. This is because there are end points at the North and South Poles on this earth. But there are no end points to the east or to the west. 

     When you go east, you go east with no end. When you go west, you go west with no end. God has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west where they can never be found. One day the devil went east looking for our sins and kept walking east and couldn't find our sins. Then the devil went west looking for our sins and kept walking west and couldn't find our sins. And the devil will never find christians' past, present, or future sins because Jesus removed them as far as the east is from the west. To sum it all up, God's mercy is infinite with Jesus vertically from the earth to God's mercy seat in the third heaven and horizontally from the east to the west. 

Choose To Rejoice And Praise Jesus

Rejoice Because God Is Always On His Throne

Ruling Above Everything On This Earth

Psalm 103:19 says The Lord hath prepared His throne in the heavens;

And His kingdom ruleth over all

Click this youtube link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pinpd1fAUlo

and sing the words below for Have Faith In God; He's On His Throne

Written By B.B. McKinney 1934

Have faith in God when your pathway is lonely

He sees and knows all the way you have trod

Never alone are the least of His children

Have faith in God; Have faith in God

Have faith in God; He's on His throne

Have faith in God; He watches oer His own

He cannot fail; He must prevail

Have faith in God; Have faith in God

Have faith in God when your prayers are unanswered

Your earnest plea He will never forget

Wait on the Lord, Trust His Word and be patient 

Have faith in God' He'll answer yet

Have faith in God in your pain and your sorrow

His heart is touched with your grief and despair

Cast all your cares and your burdens upon Him

And leave them there, Oh leave them there

Have faith in God though all else fail about you

Have faith in God; He provides for His own

He cannot fail though all kingdoms shall perish

He rules; He reigns; Upon His throne

     I pray in Jesus name that this bible study blesses multitudes everywhere with great joy, peace, and strength. Feel free to email Brother Bob anytime at rz9tlm@gmail.com or write to Brother Bob Malkin, 2233 Pinetree Lane, Apt. N., Reynoldsburg, Ohio 43068. (614) 746-7071. Till we all meet again soon to lift up our Lord Jesus, everyone have a blessed day in Jesus name.